Christmas Cracker Jokes
Christmas has come and gone. Still cleaning up the aftermath of wrapping paper and boxes by slowing squeezing it into the recycle bin. Remembering the good times had by all around the dinner table and nothing goes better with Christmas lunch or dinner than Christmas crackers or bon bons. Gotta love it. The party hat which either doesn't really fit, is way to big or rips as you try to put it on. The little toy to swap with each other, because you never get the one you want. The jokes, trivia questions, a funny fact, lucky numbers and a bit of wisdom/proverbs.
I have created a little list for your enjoyment. The lucky numbers gave a very small win on the Lotto. Not enough to cover the cost of the ticket but was fun all the same. Maybe you will have more luck than me.
Classic jokes (often referred to as Dad jokes).
Q: When does a joke become a dad joke?
A: When it becomes apparent!
Q: What did the bee say to the flower?
A: Hi honey!
Q: What did the grape say after the elephant stood on it?
A: Nothing. It just gave out a little w(h)ine.
Q: What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: A receding hairline.
Q: What happened to the guy who invented door knocking?
A: He won the NoBell prize!
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a uni-cycle?
A: Attire.
Q: What happened when the comedian entered 10 puns in a pun contest hoping one would win?
A: No pun in ten did.
Q: What do frogs wear on their feet?
A: Open toed sandals.
Q: What do you call a blind reindeer?
A: No eye deer.
Q: What happened when the weatherman tried to catch fog?
A: He mist!
Q: What did the man say during his interview at the mirror factory?
A: On reflection I can see myself doing this job.
Q: Who is Rudolphs favourite pop star?
A: Beyon-sleigh
Q: What did the hat say to the scarf?
A: You hang around while I go ahead!
Q: When is a boat just like snow?
A: When it's adrift.
Q: What did the sea say to Santa?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
A: Aye Matey!
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas?
A: A turkey; it's always stuffed.
Trivia Questions.
Q: What do camels store in the humps?
A: Fat.
Q: What is a baby goat called?
A: A Kid.
Q: What is the distance from London to New York?
A: 3459 miles.
Q: Which Country has the longest coastline?
A: Canada 202080km
Q: Name the 8 original Reindeer.
A: Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Dasher, Prancer, Vixen, Dancer and Donner
Q: Where is the driest place on Earth?
A: Antarctica.
Q: What was the seventh gift given in the 12 Days of Christmas song?
A: 7 Swans a-swimming.
Funny Facts.
In Greek mythology, Chiron was not only half man half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine. That made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
My friend composes songs about sewing machines.
He's a singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
Scientists have recently recorded the sound of two helium atoms laughing.
HeHe.
When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a housewarming party.
Now I don't have a house.
Back in his day, Samuel Morse was a dashing young man.
The patron saint of copying people in on an email is Saint Francis of a CC.
Wisdom / Life Lesson / Proverb.
Live by what you trust, not by what you fear.
It is difficult to say who do you most mischief: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best.
Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.
You can't expect both ends of a sugar cane to be sweet.
Confucius said, "The gentleman who studies literature extensively, is tempered by the rights, and is unlikely to go astray."
Confucius said, "A devotion to public duty leaves no room for idleness."
You take a reverent attitude towards life and are most capable in the guidance of others.
One who looks for friends without faults will have none.
People will believe most anything that is whispered to another.
You are courteous, diplomatic and affable, and may find happiness is politics and public service.
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Whoever follows a crowd will never be followed by a crowd.
Lucky Numbers.
11, 18, 21, 30, 31, 36
3, 20, 23, 25, 26, 27
19, 20, 22, 31, 42, 43
3, 14, 23, 25, 33, 42
5, 22, 25, 26, 30, 32
9, 19, 27, 28, 42, 44
2, 8, 12, 34, 37, 39
28/01/2021
Updated: 24/03/2021
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